Lasagne Recipe

Step 5, ready to bakeSome of the most gracious and joyful people I’ve met.

Step 1: Remember the family recipe. If you aren’t quite sure, dig out the old cookbook or click on Google’s first search result.

Revision 1- Agree that it would be fun to make lasagne for your sister’s birthday because it would be fun to make special American… wait, Italian… food. Consider which ingredients you might need. Realize that nothing you would normally use for such a dish remotely resembles ingredients in the market here. Do we even have the correct type of pan? Ultimately, decide to wing it.

Step 2: Drive to the supermarket for groceries, pay at the register and drive home. Only follow this step if you don’t already have everything in your cupboard and fridge.

Revision 2- Ride a Toc-toc to the market because you are “late”. Arive at a mini mart and be surprised at their vast pasta variety… but the biggest noodles are bowties. Decide to go for a pasta bake vibe instead. Buy a solid round of cheese from the highlands that doesn’t resemble mozzarella or ricotta in the slightest, some tomato paste, and then take a 30 minute break to eat some homemade yogurt and chat with the shopkeeper even though you’re late. Continue stopping in hotelys (restaurants) and in the street for a couple hours whenever you see a friend until you make it through the market and buy the last 3 ingredients.

Step 3: Brown hamburger

Revision 3- First, be thankful there’s ground beef. Have your family start a charcoal fire, carefully balance the frying pan on the pieces and cover. Laugh with your host mom when she dumps 12 times more salt in than you would ever use because you piece together from her words that volcanic salt is less strong. Wonder whether your 10 year old brother is repeating “wow” because you are so bad at cutting tomatoes or he’s surprised your succeeding even if its sloppy.

Step 4: cook noodles

Revision 4- actually have your host sister do this on another stove outside even though this is her birthday dinner. Realize its her birthday dinner and feel guilty for this giant mess. Picture her spitting it out, then pull yourself together. Pray the onions you’re cutting aren’t too strong, then think if worst comes to worst you can blame them for a sudden onslaught of tears.

Step 5- layer ingredients in the pan. Noodles, ricotta, canned or jarred sauce, meat, cheese.

HOLD ON! That can’t possibly be next…

Revision 4.33- cook sauce over fire with the entire family helping. Don’t peel your eyes away as your host brother stabs the tiny tomato paste can with a massive knife all the way around to open it in case you can stop him from losing a hand. Dump in spices you only half understand the purpose of and insist on lots of garlic. Almost jump for joy when you add tomato paste and the concoction actually has a sauce-like consistency.

Revision 4.67- Stare in horror as the ground beef completely absorbs your perfect sauce, the only thing that looked like it belonged in lasagne. Hide your shock and calmly add water and try unsuccessfully to revive it. Your host mom is brave enough to taste it… and APPROVES!

Revision 5- spend 5 minutes finding a pan that has high sides and fits in the toaster oven. Try to grate that cheese wheel and discover it would be better suited for building a house. It tastes that way too, but your older host brother is on the task of making it work. Discover mama is sending the neighbor to buy laughing cow cheese that ultimately won’t be used. Try every pan before finding one that fits… well enough. Dump half the bowties in and do your best to cover it with ground beef. Pause for your inevitable laughter. If this doesn’t get you going, imagine them knowing what the last piece of lasagne you ate looked like. Remember there is no other food in the house; this is supper. Wait for your brother to defeat the brick cheese, praise him, then unceremoniously dump it on.

***chef’s tip: Learn how to make mayonnaise while you wait!

Step 6: Bake for 45min to an hour at 350 degrees covered. Turn up the heat a uncover to melt the cheese for 10 minutes at the end.

Revision 6-Shove in the toaster oven and try to shut the door at the moment the neighbor walks in. Feel bad that you sent him on a wild goose chase but become preoccupied with the oven only going to 250° maximum. Settle for 20 minutes at 200° because its 45 minutes before bed time and no one has started their homework.

Step 7: Let rest, then enjoy!

Revision 7- get up to check if the cheese is melting and push the time another 10 minutes when it doesn’t. Agree with your host family “tsy manina”, it doesn’t matter, and taste the cheese. Laugh so hard you have to sit down when the cheese crunches rather than being soft and melted. Be proud of the lack of disgust on your family’s face and grateful for their patience, friendship, and genuine care. Finally, happily consume the driest, yet somehow best, lasagne ever made. Matsiro be! Very delicious!